Where does it all begin? Where does it end?

I find myself wondering how to redeem myself for something hurtful I said to someone I care about. I miss him every day and I don’t know how to manage that. He asked me to back off because of my blunder and now I am left here wondering if he will ever forgive me; if he ever cared about me at all. I would think he could understand my position in all this.

I met Frank many months ago and was immediately intrigued by his character. I only ever saw him once a week for several months, sometimes he would hang out and wait and we would chit chat. At some point I was able to see him for an hour almost every morning. It started with me saying hello and a quick word here and there in passing, to a lingering for the entire hour just chit chatting between customers. I grew more and more intrigued with him. He was funny and witty. Very passionate about what he believed in and always kind. He would leave each morning with my well wishes which he always reciprocated and then I would get back to work. I remember a point that I wondered if he would be there when I got there, to hoping he would be there when I got there, to being truly disappointed when he wasn’t. One day Frank told me he was leaving for good and I was so upset about it. Of course I played it off well enough, he didn’t know how truly bummed I was. One day before he left he asked me if I would like to hang out sometime. He offered me his hand in friendship only, as I was a married lesbian, and I was so shocked by it. Of course I wanted to hang out but I had to tell him no, like I did everyone else, because my partner would not approve. As I was about to tell him ‘no’, out came ‘yes’. Then I had to back track and tell him the whole story.

"I hope that it is not bad feelings about me that are keeping you from contacting me. I am very sorry for saying what I said to you, and I hope you can forgive me. Maybe even understand where it came from. If it is just that you need space, then that is absolutely fine, but if it is resentment of me, then I hope you will accept my sincere apology, and know that I am here for you if you ever need a friend."
Thank you butterfly