What Now?

A process of elimination,
A predictable outcome.
I saw her in the crowd;
My head spinning, numb.

In a sea of straight people,
She feels like a shiny new toy.
The lesbian in my iris,
I play with dutifully, and coy.

A wound reopened tonight;
One I’ve been willing to heal
One I knew was deep and brutal,
One I never wanted to feel.

He blew my ideals aside,
Small talk suddenly and sly.
What does he mean by this,
How shall I begin to try?

It’s not about a companion;
It’s not about love or sex;
It’s about closeness and protection,
Of something less complex.

I am trapped in a new freedom.
Free to feel, free to do, free to…
I am alive and ready for this,
I am scared and aching to see you.

Sleep comes swift when it’s easy,
But days creep on without remorse.
I have been feeling unwound,
and fearfully off course.

Suppose I close my eyes now,
Suppose I cry myself to sleep.
Will the pain be gone when I wake?
Or will you take my soul to keep?